A common question I receive in my Facebook group is: How do I remain calm + positive and prevent other people’s negativity and heavy moods from rubbing off on me?
Now, how many people here have experienced that? Or you’re in a really, really good mood and then all of a sudden you go around somebody, and it’s almost like there’s a huge cloud comes around you and you think to yourself, “I feel like I’m carrying something that’s not even mine.”
When this happens, the opportunity here is to really take a look at your own energetic boundaries.
Energetic Boundaries
Anytime that you come in contact with somebody naturally our energy centers are communicating first.
So it’s really, really important to be able to have a really strong but flexible – the key right here is flexible… Strong but flexible Energetic Boundary.
I’m going to teach you a really simple + powerful technique called the Permission Rose.
Without the Permission Rose in Place
So first let’s talk a little bit about when you don’t have a Permission Rose Technique in place.
What happens is you have a tendency to become + absorb others’ energy. Here’s how: You may match their space so if they are coming from a very aggressive space, you may unconsciously have that knee-jerk reaction and become very triggered yourself.
So let’s talk about when you do have this energetic boundary. This strong but flexible energetic boundary, with the permission rose, allows you to notice their energy. You are able to still be mindful and intuitive of what their needs are and being able to read what’s going on with them. But you are not receiving it.
Instead, you are remaining a compassionate and mindful witness to their energy.
You are able to also maintain your own space, You’re not giving your power away. You’re not tiptoeing on eggshells. And you’re thoughts + behaviors aren’t merely reactions to someone else’s energetic imprint.
You are able to consciously choose your space – what that looks like, what it feels like – and know that you can adjust accordingly and not have to just to kind of being pulled by the string by their energy.
You’re able to have what is called Energetic Seniority.
Energetic Seniority
An Energetic Seniority is where you are in charge of your own energy.
What happens when somebody’s energy rubs off on us?
What happens is that their energy, by them giving all their energy over to you is not that they are giving it to you and then they don’t have it anymore.
What happens is it’s making an energetic copy. So now you both have it.
So think about in a relationship. Let’s say if one person is just constantly complaining about what the other person isn’t doing and now this person actually has an energetic copy, now you are both doing the same thing.
How to Use the Permission Rose
So let’s talk a little bit about the Permission Rose.
The first step to doing a Permission Rose is understanding where your energy is.
- Start off with an arm’s length in front of you + an arm’s length to the sides of you. And you can also envision an arm’s length behind you and to the other side as well.
- Starting with the front first, put your hands in front of you and consciously choose how you want that energy to feel. Do you want that energy to feel really calm? Do you want it to feel really positive? Really upbeat?
- Decide: “Ok this, from here all the way to here, I want this energy to feel peaceful, calm, and centered. My ____ (calm, happy, peaceful, focused) energy is so strong and flexible that negative energy flows past me, not through me.
You get to choose this.
And every time that you do the Permission Rose, you can choose whatever kind of energy that you want it to be.
Strong But Flexible is Key
Some people say the protection rose, some people say permission rose.
But the reason why Permission Rose can really, really be powerful is that, we don’t want to create resistance, right?
We don’t want to say. “I’m here and you’re there and I want none of that. I’m blocking this.”
Because sometimes we create an emotional charge on the things that we resist and then we bring it or draw it right to us.
So you’re giving yourself permission to have that conscious control over it and not have other people kind of leak their energy in to your space, but you are also allowing people to choose for themselves as well.
When you have this Permission Rose in place is the other great thing is that wherever that rose is, let’s say that person gets closer to your space like in a shopping line, is that rose will come closer to you, depending on how far they are or will come further away depending on where that other person is.
Energetic Boundaries + Family
With family members, sometimes it can feel a little bit trickier to have energetic boundaries because there’s so much more of an emotional tug.
So let me give you a really great way to use the Permission Rose. Let’s say if you are with a family member and let’s say they are bringing up a topic that feels a little triggering for you, this is a great technique because this allows you to stay sensitive + centered at the same time.
And energetically whether you are on the phone or whether you are in person with somebody, it will still work. You’re still consciously choosing what your energy is going to be.
If you notice that you are starting to get a little bit stressed out, know that that’s okay.
Insert a pause right there and start doing deep diaphragm breathing and drop yourself in to your heart center. Bring awareness to your heart and say “Bless, release. Bless, release. Bless, release.”
Sometimes when there’s a family member involved, we have that stronger emotional charge to it because we care so much about them. But it’s really important too that you don’t take away their own spiritual journey.
So if you try to just say, (so and so) “Just stop doing that negative behavior that keeps creating these problems for you” is that you might be denying them an awakening period of their life.
Or you might even overstep your bounds and give unsolicited advice that they are not really ready for.
So the best thing that you can do beforehand is do that Permission Rose technique, decide what your energetic boundary is going to be. And then while you are able to listen to them and being that supportive sounding board for them is to just be able to just bless and release.
Also, sometimes there’s just a little bit of residual still on you because you are still thinking about what that person was talking about or what you heard on the news or something.
So it’s also really important to energetically detox after a situation that is really stressful. And one great way to energetically detox is to ground yourself. To ground yourself, here are a few ways:
- Talk to God/meditate
- go out in nature
- get a shower
- breathwork
- Drink lots of water
Compassion Fatigue
If we don’t have our energetic boundaries we can fall victim to what is called “Compassion Fatigue”. In compassion fatigue, we typically think of the people in the mental health industry (because I was in the Mental Health industry for 10 years), or nurses and people who work with them in emergency or crisis situation. But this can happen on a regular basis especially with people with tendency to be highly empathic.
With So Much Love & Gratitude,
Crystal